epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
Moses vs Santa Claus
Epic Rap Battles of History #27 was released on December 10th. It featured the Jewish prophet, Moses, rapping against the magical figure Christmas, Santa Claus. Cast Nice Peter as Santa Claus Snoop Lion as Moses Lloyd Ahlquist as The Elves Elena Diaz and Monica Wietzel as Moses's Honeys Lyrics Santa Claus: Sweet robes, Obi-wan-too many days in the sun Stop preachin' homie, teach your flock to covet some fun! I bring joy every year, man I represent cheer You represent sandals and a scraggly beard I'm from the North Pole, that's why my rhymes are so cold! I spit diamonds but I'm serving up some fresh coal You've been a naughty boy, you brought a plague of frogs You'd best arrest yourself, you broke your own law Or was there something in Rule Six I didn't understand? My list says, "kill Egyptian dude, bury him in sand" I read your book, you got a strict religion No bacon, but mandatory circumcision? I'm a jolly bowl of jelly, giving holiday presents But all the chosen people ever get for Christmas is jealous! Moses: When I was high up on the mountain God revealed the truths of the Earth, But he never mentioned a fat-ass Papa Smurf. It takes 9 reindeers to haul your fat-ass. You took the Christ out of Christmas and just added mo' mass. You need to stop breakin into houses and creepin' and peepin',On naughty kids while they' sleepin' and keep yo' hands off my stockin'. Don't you 'Ho Ho' me! I'll split yo ass in half, like I did the Red Sea. You ain't a saint you' a slaver, like a pharaoh in the snow. Stop with the unpaid labor, and let my little people go! Elves: We ain't slaves! All that sand turned your brain to mush! Claus: I think you need to stop smokin' all that burnin' bush. Elves: Yeah, we're magical workers, man! We hang with reindeers. Yo! Here's a GPS! Who gets lost for forty years!? Claus: You're a glorified secretary, so write this down, Elves: Begat deez nutz, Claus: Santa Claus is comin' to town. Moses: So much drama in the IsraeL-B-C, It's kinda hard talkin' directly to the G-O-single-D. Hand me my chisel, I got a new comman'izzle, for y'all. Thou shalt not let your children sit on a grown man's lap at the mall. I'll beat you ten times before the bread can rise, you dummy, And walk of into the land of my milk and honies. Poll Who Won? Santa Claus Moses Trivia *This is the first battle to involve a religious figure rapping. *This is the second rap to include an Egyptian Character (first was #20). *This is the third rap to feature Holiday Figures (Santa Claus, Christopher Columbus, Easter Bunny, Moses). *This is the first rap battle to have a famous rapper portray a character (Snoop Lion). *This is the third battle to be made for a holiday (#8 & #14). *Santa Claus's naughty list read the following: **Master Chief - Carries Guns, Repeated acts of violence **Mr. Rogers - Creepy. Racist? **Moses - Killed Egyptian Dude, Buried him in sand **Mozart - Too Loud Category:Season 2 Category:Epic Rap Battle of History Category:Epic Rap Battles of History 27 Category:Nice Peter Category:Lloyd Ahlquist Category:Upcoming rap battle Category:Holiday